A study conducted at Cambridge College - directly north of Boston, Massachusetts - determined that not only do video games provide psychological stimulation, but that there are four different types of gamer personas that individuals embody; sometimes one more than another, sometimes a mixture of any or all of the four and sometimes strictly the same persona.
In 2013, Dr. Ort-Meyer (docket NC28643) concluded that with a conducted series of questions relative to your gaming behaviour, your persona can be accurately concluded. Dr. Ort-Meyer's notes on the subject were as follows:
1.) Your best friend joined you for a split-screen session of a popular racing game. His skills quickly prove greater than yours and as he wins, he continues to boast about how you "got schooled." What is your reaction?
A. Congratulate him on a job well done.
B. Shrug your shoulders and start up another round.
C. Combat his boasting with senseless insults and compare his mother to that of a doorknob.
D. Beat him to death with the closest object.
2.) You're playing a competitive game online with strangers from around the world and there's one person on your team who's skills do not match that of yours and your other teammates. What is your statement to him?
A. Encourage him to pick up the pace and put his game face on.
B. Roll your eyes and worry about your own contribution to the team.
C. Throw sharp insults, complain about his inability to function and angrily suggest that he forcibly insert the controller into his anus.
D. Track his IP address, find his house (even if it's across the ocean) and beat him to death with the closest object.
3.) You're playing the newest open-world crime game online, minding your business, when someone comes out of nowhere with a tank and continuously stalks your character before blowing them up with the tank's cannon fire over and over again. What is your response?
A. Join a new session and give him the benefit of the doubt that he was simply bored.
B. Turn on the game's 'Passive Mode' before teasing and taunting and tricking him into getting his tank stuck in an alleyway.
C. Imply that he's using the tank to compensate for the caterpillar in his trousers and then proceed to insult his mother with vulgar terminology.
D. Steal a tank from your country's military, track down the son of a female dog, crash the tank into his house and beat him to death with the closest object.
4.) You're playing a game online and someone begins to insult you with zero context for understanding why. What is your response?
A. Say something witty before muting him or leaving the session for another.
B. Combat everything he says with the same phrase repeatedly, such as "Yo Momma."
C. Insult him even worse than he to you and even go as far as implying that his parents are blood related.
D. Teleport through the television, into his living room and beat him to death with the closest object.
Results:
If you answered mostly A's...congratulations. You're a passive gamer. You don't much care about the goings on of others; you're just interested in having fun and getting the most out of the money you paid for the game and system. You're not interested in boasting and you aren't turned on by the sound of a vengeful challenge. You'd much rather leave and return when things have cooled down. Not much bothers you and you'd much rather leave negative feedback or file a complaint against someone doing harm than go at them head-on.
If you answered mostly B's...congratulations. You're a passive-aggressive gamer. Similar to the passive gamer, you're intent on having fun and getting the most of your money, however, injustices against you must not go unpunished. You're quick to retort to the blabbermouth speaking ill and you'll get your revenge on the person who blew up your in-game vehicle. There's also a small part of you that gets wild satisfaction from serving idiots their just desserts.
If you answered mostly C's...congratulations, you're part of the problem. Not many people want to hear a whining voice bellowing through their headset or television speakers as you insult and harass people for no valid reason. Get a job, get a girlfriend, get a hobby and get some help.
If you answered mostly D's...I suggest you turn to Jesus.
Author's Note: Please note that this content in its entirety was completely satirical. There is no study at Cambridge College about this subject (nor any other university) that I am aware of. Dr. Ort-Meyer is a fictional character from the Hitman series. Though, the results portion of the quiz, though satirical, speaks volumes on the types of people you'll encounter in the online gaming world. Live long and prosper.
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Idiots
Thanks for the interesting blog. I had to laugh at some of the options, lol :)
I chose "E" for all. In that I tend to not play multiplayer games because people are such jerks and I don't want to deal with them. The closest I come is MMOs and I tend to spend 99% of my time solo in those with just chatting in /guild.
Last real multiplayer game I played was MAG. And, all I got were complaints the whole time because I wasn't running and gunning and dying like everyone else. Instead, I was supporting with sniping, medic, or engineering. And, I also tended to finish with the higher score because I wasn't an idiot and just ran blindly around corners trying to be the quickest draw on the trigger.
People don't respect you for your style of play and want you to do what they do. So, I say screw it and just don't play with them.
Umm, I answer Equal amounts of As and Bs, does that mean I'm a passive passive-aggressive gamer? Lol.
I got most of the answers either A, or B. I don't really like to combat others unless it is really irritating, but respond in a calming manner.
C, A, A, C for me, using mathematical formulas, they all transform into B