Since the first living creature emerged from the sea and began living on dry land there have been PR firms backed by major corporations trying to sell them something. Anything really, a little of this, a little of that mainly; but none are more feared and therefore successful (figure that one out) than two or three, or hell even nine products all wrapped around one main theme and sprinkled with a hearty dosage of hate.
Of course it helps when said theme is a multi million dollar video game franchise and fan boys everywhere are salivating for anything with a logo slapped on it, but I digress…
Reason #4
You, yes you, will buy anything.
The Responsible Party(s)
Microsoft
Bungie
Mountain Dew
How They’re Getting Rich out of Hating the Shit out of You
Enter, Halo. Does it feel like your beloved Master Chief has been doing a lot less world saving and a hell of a lot more money grubbing lately? Well that’s because he has. 2007 brought us one of the most hateful ad campaigns the world has ever seen. You can still taste that gamer fuel can’t you? You can still remember that armor-clad warrior staring back at you from the bottle seemingly nodding slowly and sternly in approval of your fine choice of soda can’t you?
Hmm… good times I suppose…
Until that teeny tiny little thought appeared in the back of your head similar to “this tastes like shit”. But wait! What are you thinking?! This fine soda with it’s dehydrated urine and orange peels hue surely can’t be bad. After all it’s being marketed by Microsoft, and Bungie! They love you, they want you to be happy, they want to come to your house and sprinkle puffed cheetos all over you as you wade in a tub of their delicious new creation, the bubbles tickling you as you smile heartily at the Recon armor you just knew you would get! You’ve given hours, days even of your life to their wondrous creations and they made this as a genuine way of saying thank you, right? RIGHT!?!
Why does This Mean They Hate Me?
This may be a special scenario but in this case they don’t just hate you. Nope, they hate you, your wife/girlfriend, your kids, your parents, your grand-parents, pretty much everyone you associate with. By getting inside your head and forcing (lawsuit ho!) you to spend your hard earned money on crappy soda, a tacky helmet you can’t wear or third rate novels they are in-fact destroying you and your family.
Hungry? Better check that bank account. What? You spent all of your grocery money on the new Halo figurines they just released. Well, little Timmy is looking sick! You better take him to a doctor. What’s that, you have no money for the co-payment? But you have plenty of gamer fuel? That stuff must be just as good, hell if not better than medicine, give some to the tot, and make it snappy! Oh no, what’s that? You’ve being arrested for child abuse? Sent to a county prison? You are actually getting ass raped? RIGHT NOW?!
I rest my case…
Tune in next week for Reason #3 why the games industry hates and how it’s making them filthy rich.
Oh, and Don’t Panic.
Microsoft announced its financial results for Q3 of fiscal year 2026, including an update on its gaming Xbox business and more.
Not looking good. Hopefully Asha Sharma is able to turn Phil’s disaster around.
To me it's still quite remarkable how they can cash-in 5.3bn in revenue in a single quarter, since their hardware is basically dead.
The stock mark is what makes Microsoft remarkable, They have convinced every institutional and retail investor to just keep piling money into them. Like many big tech giants they are just a big growing pyramid scheme. As long as people keep dropping money into ETF's that cover the market Microsoft will always be liquid. At the same time it is completely stifling innovation and competition. People need to start being more discreet in how they invest their money as it's killing the system.
Riiiiight because people will just flock back to them for one or two games per year.
15+ years of bad performance is what they call irreparable in business. It is time for them to sell off the assets and get out of entertainment.
These declines are on the back of extra revenue received from releasing games like Forza horizon 5 on PlayStation. So I’m being sarcastic here when I said they should go back to exclusives. Killing off a revenue stream from Ps5 sales will only make things worse
The charity event will be streamed live from Gamescom in August.
Thanks to the slip-up of an artist working on the title, we now have more evidence that a new Injustice game is in the works.
I love the sarcastic way you went about writing this piece! "Whats that? you dont have any money for the co-payment?" Cheers man!!!