Since the first living creature emerged from the sea and began living on dry land there have been PR firms backed by major corporations trying to sell them something. Anything really, a little of this, a little of that mainly; but none are more feared and therefore successful (figure that one out) than two or three, or hell even nine products all wrapped around one main theme and sprinkled with a hearty dosage of hate.
Of course it helps when said theme is a multi million dollar video game franchise and fan boys everywhere are salivating for anything with a logo slapped on it, but I digress…
Reason #4
You, yes you, will buy anything.
The Responsible Party(s)
Microsoft
Bungie
Mountain Dew
How They’re Getting Rich out of Hating the Shit out of You
Enter, Halo. Does it feel like your beloved Master Chief has been doing a lot less world saving and a hell of a lot more money grubbing lately? Well that’s because he has. 2007 brought us one of the most hateful ad campaigns the world has ever seen. You can still taste that gamer fuel can’t you? You can still remember that armor-clad warrior staring back at you from the bottle seemingly nodding slowly and sternly in approval of your fine choice of soda can’t you?
Hmm… good times I suppose…
Until that teeny tiny little thought appeared in the back of your head similar to “this tastes like shit”. But wait! What are you thinking?! This fine soda with it’s dehydrated urine and orange peels hue surely can’t be bad. After all it’s being marketed by Microsoft, and Bungie! They love you, they want you to be happy, they want to come to your house and sprinkle puffed cheetos all over you as you wade in a tub of their delicious new creation, the bubbles tickling you as you smile heartily at the Recon armor you just knew you would get! You’ve given hours, days even of your life to their wondrous creations and they made this as a genuine way of saying thank you, right? RIGHT!?!
Why does This Mean They Hate Me?
This may be a special scenario but in this case they don’t just hate you. Nope, they hate you, your wife/girlfriend, your kids, your parents, your grand-parents, pretty much everyone you associate with. By getting inside your head and forcing (lawsuit ho!) you to spend your hard earned money on crappy soda, a tacky helmet you can’t wear or third rate novels they are in-fact destroying you and your family.
Hungry? Better check that bank account. What? You spent all of your grocery money on the new Halo figurines they just released. Well, little Timmy is looking sick! You better take him to a doctor. What’s that, you have no money for the co-payment? But you have plenty of gamer fuel? That stuff must be just as good, hell if not better than medicine, give some to the tot, and make it snappy! Oh no, what’s that? You’ve being arrested for child abuse? Sent to a county prison? You are actually getting ass raped? RIGHT NOW?!
I rest my case…
Tune in next week for Reason #3 why the games industry hates and how it’s making them filthy rich.
Oh, and Don’t Panic.
DF: "Ultimately, our feelings on the Switch 2 version of Pragmata are mixed. It's an impressive technical feat to bring a current-generation RE Engine title to mobile hardware without losing its fundamental aesthetic, and the use of DLSS even allows the Switch 2 to deliver a higher-quality image than Series S.
Unfortunately, that isn't enough to make up for an unlocked and variable frame-rate that will be immediately off-putting to performance-sensitive players. That makes it harder to recommend, which is a shame for a port of this level of ambition."
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I love the sarcastic way you went about writing this piece! "Whats that? you dont have any money for the co-payment?" Cheers man!!!