This is a follow up to my previous blog, which can be read here:
http://n4g.com/user/blogpos...
First off let me say that this is all tongue-in-cheek stuff and should not be taken seriously in the slightest. For those of you that will inevitably feel the need to vent your anger in the comments section please do so in a respectful manner where possible.
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All of the following results are up for debate, however because of the bubble system I may not be able to give individual reasons for every action. If you think I have missed anything out or misrepresented facts somewhere please feel free to point them out, I will read every comment eventually and change the results accordingly if necessary. I'd also like to mention that due to time constraints I may have half-@r$ed a lot of this.
A TL;DR section will be provided at the bottom of the page for the lazy or slightly illiterate among you, thanks for reading.
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Individual scores will be laid out to see and a total for each company given at the end. E-peen will be calculated by taking the total points (in centimetres), converting it to inches and dividing by this E3's magic number... 3.
Let's start with Microsoft's conference. Some say it was a little too 'Kinect heavy' but, as we know opinion means little in the face of logic and science!
MS's colourful conference:
Modern Warefare 3 live gameplay 5
Timed MW3 exclusive content 1
Tomb Raider live gameplay 5
Mass Effect 3 live demo 5
Ghost Recon: Future Soldier live demo 5
New dash 1
Bing 1
Youtube 1
Halo CE HD remake 5
UFC ‘live interaction’ 1
Forza 4 gameplay trailer 3
Kinect Disney ‘game’ announced (new IP) 3+5
Ryse ‘gameplay’ trailer 3
Gears of War 3 live demo 5
Fable: The journey announced 3
Announced Minecraft for Kinect 3
Announced Dance Central 2 3
Announced Kinect Sesame St (new IP) 3+5
Announced Kinect Sports 2 3
Announced Kinect ‘fun’ labs 1
Trotted out celebrity (Ice-T) -1
Talked about sales -1
Total: 68cm, 27.2 inches / 3
= 9.06 inches
Respectable.
Now we move onto Nintendo. The unveiling of Wii U seems to have slightly confused the media and fans alike, pity there's no points for ambiguity.
Ninty's musical conference:
Zelda 4 swords announced 5
Gold Zelda Wiimote 1
Mario Kart 3DS (gameplay trailer) 5+3
Starfox 64 3DS (gameplay trailer) 5+3
Mario 3DS (gameplay trailer) 5+3
Kid Icarus Uprising gameplay trailer 3
Luigi’s Mansion 2 announcement & gameplay trailer 5+3
3DS Virtual Console with free Excitebike 1
Wii U announcement ( hardware not shown live) 3
Announced Smash Bros. 3DS + Wii U 5
Announced Super Mario Bros. Mii 5
Announced Shield Pose (new IP) 3+5
Announced Lego: City Stories (new IP) 5+5
Honourable mention to Nintendo for gaining a lot of multi-plat games also coming to other systems but since they were not shown running on Wii U but on PS3/360 points cannot be given.
Total: 72cm, 28.8 inches / 3
= 9.6 inches
Nintendo has certainly 'matured' in my eyes.
Last but not least (or is it) we take a look at Sony's shin-dig. I've seen it described as the "best of a bad E3" but how will the Playstation brand fare under the blood-shot, coffee-fueled eye of science?
Sony's transformable conference:
Uncharted 3 live demo 5
Resistance 3 live demo 5
Announced GOW PSP HD remakes 5
NBA 2K12 live demo 5
Trotted out celebrity (Kobe Bryant) -1
Medieval Moves live demo (new IP) 3+5
Starhawk Trailer (no actual gameplay) 1
Announced Sly 4 (trailer – no gameplay) 5+1
Announced DUST 514 (gameplay trailer) 5+3
Bioshock Infinite (gameplay trailer+move support) 3
Announced Bioshock for PSV 5
Exclusive Saints Row content 3
Exclusive Star Trek content 3
Exclusive SSX course 3
Exclusive Need 4 Speed: The Run cars 3
Exclusive Battlefield content 3
Star Trek Phaser peripheral 1
PSVita shown live 5
Uncharted: Golden Abyss live demo 5
Announced Ruin for PSV/PS3 with live demo 5+5
Announced Mod Nation Racers for PSV with live demo 5+5
Street Fighter X Tekken on PSV + Exclusive content 5+3
Sales Jibber jabba -1
Total: 103cm, 41.2 inches / 3
= 13.73 inches!
Or what I like to call... average.
So there you have it 'science' has spoken and now opens the cellar door to release the opinions it had held hostage down there. Have fun tearing this apart and thanks again for reading.
TL;DR:
MS = 9.06inches
Ninty = 9.6 inches
Sony = 13.73 inches
Pants up now.
Microsoft announced its financial results for Q3 of fiscal year 2026, including an update on its gaming Xbox business and more.
Not looking good. Hopefully Asha Sharma is able to turn Phil’s disaster around.
To me it's still quite remarkable how they can cash-in 5.3bn in revenue in a single quarter, since their hardware is basically dead.
The stock mark is what makes Microsoft remarkable, They have convinced every institutional and retail investor to just keep piling money into them. Like many big tech giants they are just a big growing pyramid scheme. As long as people keep dropping money into ETF's that cover the market Microsoft will always be liquid. At the same time it is completely stifling innovation and competition. People need to start being more discreet in how they invest their money as it's killing the system.
Riiiiight because people will just flock back to them for one or two games per year.
15+ years of bad performance is what they call irreparable in business. It is time for them to sell off the assets and get out of entertainment.
These declines are on the back of extra revenue received from releasing games like Forza horizon 5 on PlayStation. So I’m being sarcastic here when I said they should go back to exclusives. Killing off a revenue stream from Ps5 sales will only make things worse
The charity event will be streamed live from Gamescom in August.
Thanks to the slip-up of an artist working on the title, we now have more evidence that a new Injustice game is in the works.
Wow, this actually worked lol! Nice work there.
Oh my effin' science! I lost.
Also, don't tell MidnyTrain about this blog
Wait, wouldn't the live demo of SF X Tekken give it 5+5? I know it wasn't that great of a demo, but it was a live demo...
wow i didnt expect this to be anything close to what i had thought they were gonna be but it was pretty good lol
i was a little dissapointed in sony, i think they should have shown off some of their other games... like white knight chronicles 2 :)
If only I could + bubbles in blog post just like comments.