In-depth guide to Xbox 360 fanboys Pt.1

Props to my good man BIoodmask for his piece on Sony fanboys, now here's an equally informative bit on 360 fanboys. Here's some of the thing's you might hear them say:

1)Blu-Ray is irrelevant:

So Blu-Ray won the format war against HD-DVD, bah... who cares? MS didn't even want HD-DVD to win, they didn't support it- they're all about the downloads. It's not like developers need it, so what if my RPG's are on multiple disks like in the PS1 days? I like multi-disc sets. Rage can't fit on 2 discs? screw Rage, sh!tty game anyway. 2 Days 2 Vegas might be going PS3 exclusive because it's an open world game and can't go on multi-disk? that's rubbish, game sucks anyway. I didn't mind downloading the rest of MLB 2K8 on Live because it couldn't fit on DVD9... at least it's better than The Show, it is better right? I mean, just because everyone says The Show is better, doesn't mean that's true. DOES IT!? And Kojima filling up a 50gb BD-disk with MGS4 was a fluke, it will never happen again.

Anyway Blu-Ray is failing for films, it's doomed is what it is. Just because Blu-Ray adoption is happening faster than DVD adoption doesn't mean it's doing well.. DVD sucks, anything can beat it. The Dark Knight sold over 3 million on Blu-Ray? well so what? I downloaded the film, and had the pleasure of enjoying it in 720p and compressed audio.. lower resolution = better quality, don't ask.

2) RROD and disk scratching are NOT problems, and neither is the loud fan

MS gave you an extended warranty you ungrateful swines, and if you can't be patient enough to wait for 3 weeks (or more) for a replacement or you can't be bothered to deal with Microsoft's crappy customer service.. then that just shows how weak you are, Master Chief frowns upon you. Your disc laser broke or you got an E74 and MS doesn't cover those? don't whine you idiot, just go buy another 360- simple, they're cheaper than the Wii for God's sake!!! And launch buyers, I understand your warranty has run out- but you can't expect MS to be THAT generous can you? just be grateful for Gears Of War and STFU!!!

Don't even get me started on disk scratching. It only scratched your disk because you moved it you clumsy fool, and don't say it's not your fault because your dog or cat knocked it over- what are you doing with an animal anyway, those are for losers who have no friends to play with, get rid of that traitorous mutt or flimsy feline this second.

The extremely loud fan is a blessing, it sounds like a jet and makes Ace Combat 6 more realistic. I don't care if it kills immersion in other games, I only play Ace Combat 6. AC6 is the sh!t.

3) Those extra features on the PS3 are worthless

No-one uses Wi-Fi, it's too slow for making uber kill-streaks on Ace Combat 6. Cable is definitely the way to go and if you can't do it because of the layout of your house, then get a new house you cheapskate- I don't care if it's a recession, whore your Grandma or something.

Upgrading your hard drive is stupid, if you need to do it you have too much music or too many films, games and photos. That's just unhealthly.

4) You get what you pay for with Live

Hell ain't that the truth. PSN is laaaaaggggggggyyyyy because of it's dedicated servers. Resistance 2 only manages 30vs30 players without lag because they asked MS how to do it, and the boffins told them- but damn I wish Epic would do that, 5vs5 and it glitched and lagged like crazy? Anyway that's not important, because it's different- Gears has better graphics so it's fine. Live broke down for a week on Christmas 2007 because you people didn't deserve the greatness that is Live for Christmas.

Sony is adding all the features Live has and more? so? they should have done it ages ago, it's too late now.. that boat has sailed Sony.

And I love racism and screaming kids, there's more on Live because they enhance the experience. I'l keep paying the price a of a full game a year thank you very much.

4) PC verions are irrelevant, Gears and Left 4 Dead are FULLY exclusive

You PS3 fanboys are lying about playing these games on PC, you don't even have PC's because Sony don't make PC's and therefore you don't want to have one. Yeah that's it, Gears Of War only on Xbox 360 and nowhere else in the universe.

5) Piracy isn't a problem

Just because it has had a big negative effect on the PC, PS1, PS2 and other consoles, doesn't mean it'll affect the 360. Master Chief will see to that. Besides, the PS3 will get cracked soon- Blu-Ray is inferior.

6) Sales are all that matters

LBP being rated 95 and higher than all 360 exclusives don't mean sh!t. It didn't sell like Halo 3 did, or Gears Of War. The game only sold 2 million copies, which means around 20 million people didn't want it, so take their advice and avoid that trash.

7) MS will announce killer games for the fall, you'll see

Yeah it may seem like the 360 has no killer exclusives for the fall, but this is what MS wants you to think. Then they'll just announce loads of games that will blow you away. They will make these announcements at E3 and GDC. Oh wait crap only Sony announced new games for the year at GDC. Just wait till E3, MS will own like they did last year. Oh wait crap, they didn't announce any big new exclusives at E3 last year and it was Sony that announced MAG. But it will all be different this year, you'll see. They'll announce GTA5 exclusively for the 360 in fall. I mean come on, GTA4 DLC is basically GTA5. I hear there's some killer Too Human DLC in the works as well, so even if MS don't announce anything.. we'll be fine.

8) PS3 still has no games

Yeah the PS3 has more AAA rated exclusives, but they also have Lair and Haze- which creates a paradox that voids the existence of all PS3 games, thus the PS3 having no games.

9) Flower is just a screensaver

Never mind the 88 on Meta, it has no guns and it's "relaxing" or some stupid Sony incentive like that. I'd rather play Pong.




hope you enjoyed my first blog, Pt.2 coming soon ;)