Satire: The World Through the Eyes of an Xbox Fanboy

**PLAYSTATION FANBOY VERSION ALSO AVAILABLE ** http://n4g.com/blogs/detail...
First and foremost I want to stress that this is 100% sarcasm for the sake of fun and as I said above there is a contrasting version available. If you have read my blogs before you will know that I always try and be as balanced as possible. I think it is very fun to look at some of the moronic perspectives and ignorant technological comments here on N4G. Hopefully these series of ramblings do justice to the brave men and women on the front lines of the console wars fighting with their very amazing amounts of time...er I mean lives, to prove to people who are the equivalent of a brick wall that their console of choice is somehow the greatest possible thing ever conceived. This satire will try and showcase how they look when they say some of the things that they do and make a few people laugh in the process. Share this!!!

Disclaimer: This was built on studying Fanboys over the course of 4 years in their natural habitat in the far off wastelands of the comment section here on N4G.

With that being said I proudly present to you...the ramblings of an Xbox Fanboy.

"Your numbers and facts are no match for my opinion, because If I can fabricate an illogical reason in my mind that somehow has a logical meaning to me but no one else...I'm right"

"What? Microsft wants to f**k me in the @$$? How much can I pay?!?!?"

"You dare defile the sacred name of the beloved box with facts...by the power vested in me, Microsoft, Bill Gates, My mom, misterxmedia and his bountiful insiders I now pronounce you....wrong and a none gamer"

"Since we are comparing di**ks here *cough* I mean consoles... do you mind If I tell you how much shorter mine is?"

"You wanna know who is right? Misterx Motherf**ker! Xbot...out"

"It runs at a lower resolution? It must be unquestionably superior"

"The director of the game confirmed it? Its a lie"

"Let me just go into this sony article and trash Playstation....but act like I don't feel threatened by it"

"Let me treat my opinion as an indisputable fact"

"You proved me wrong with facts? I proved you wrong with my tiny yet superior mind"

"Xbox has more games because free to play games and indies don't count because that would dramatically hurt my argument"

"Free to play games can't go on my list because I refuse to acknowledge their existence and therefore they are unplayable experiences available nowhere"

"Misterx said......"

"Being an xbot is not like being in a cult"

"If they do not make it better on xbox one they are lazy developers"

"I choose to believe in the minority opinion that is so small it is almost non-existent"

"Anonymous developers favoring the ps4 in a credible magazine? BULLSH**T you can't trust anonymous developers. You can however listen to my Anonymous insider from misterxmedia"

"Calm down everyone...lets just ignore Microsoft's reversal because it hurts my argument of them being for the consumer"

"Lets just ignore anything that doesn't help Microsoft"

"Lets just ignore everything"

"the cloud"

"I don't know if you guys can tell...but I have a massive XBONER"

"Having an Xboner doesn't make me biased....does it?"

"My Xboner points at Microsoft"

"I wish my Xboner was bigger"

"I'm cancelling my PS4 pre-order"

"Why would Microsoft lie to me...all they want is my money"

"Sony has first party studios?"

"Sony doesn't have first party studios because I have never heard of them"

"Playstation doesn't have halo therefore your argument is moot"

"I pledge eternal commitment to the Microsoft flag"

"The U.S. is the only place where games are played"

"You don't need to know"

"these are just rumors...they'll blow over"

"I make my own rules and in my world of mathematics 1>4"

"This Playstation game that I have never played sucks"

"Microsofts cloud seems to be clouding my vision and judgement"

"These Goggles of eternal loyalty Microsoft sent me are starting to not work...oh well Ill just ask for a new pair"

"Is it just me or did that footage look better on Xbox one? Even though from a technical standpoint that is impossible"

"Maybe my eyes are bad but did we watch the same thing? Ryse is the best looking next gen game running sub HD AND sub 60fps!!"

"Specs don't matter"

"RYSE matters"

"This site is so biased... but the Xbox biased site I normally visit is actually neutral"

"I said I was leaving N4G and yet...here I am"

"Here let me PM you more of my BS"

"Sony's games are contenders for game of the generation....ignore that"

"Highest awarded game is on Playstation? That game blows."

"Sony doesn't have many launch titles, therefore the PS4 will never have any games"

"Lets just ignore the fact that the number PS3 exclusives decimates the number of xbox 360 exclusives...PS4 will never have games"

"Sony's first party studios from last gen no longer exist in my argument because that would hurt it"

"720p is better than 900p"

"Its because of the drivers"

"where is that 50% power difference? Just because the resolution is 50% higher doesn't mean anything."

"The two consoles are the same"

"eSRAM isn't a bottleneck"

"You can combine bandwidth in magic land!"

"The Xbox one is very technical compared to the PS4..so technical in fact that I don't have the ability to describe it to you in a technomological way in the procezzors and the RAM or whatever else is in the Xbox"

"The cloud is the future, but ignore the inferior multi-platforms"

"The cloud can make up for weaker hardware"

"The Xbox is so powerful even Microsoft have no clue"

"I don't know about you but I like pay walls....barriers have always been good just look at the Berlin wall"

"I get to pay....to pay for Netflix"

"The Xbox one has TONS of 1080p 60fps games...like Forza 5........and hopefully Forza 6"

"Xbox isn't a next generation console? Tell that to the secret sauce that no one has heard about"

"Xbox one has a dgpu that is invisible...but trust me its there"

"Just look at Ryse..I mean just look at it..its the last shred of an argument I have so please say it looks good...."

"Xbox one's cloud has the power of 20,000,000 PS4's.....if your internet connection speed is right....and if the servers can handle all of the consoles...and if it even works to begin with..."

"No seriously...I want to pay more money for things I will ultimately not use or are fee on other consoles...because its on Xbox"

"Raw specs mean nothing, numbers mean nothing, facts mean nothing, you mean nothing, because you're wrong and the ps4 doesn't exist in my world"

"You're wrong because I say so"

"You're just wrong because gaystation is gay"

"I make rational arguments"

"I'm not a fanboy but PS4 blows"

"The xbox one version looks better"

"Resolution doesn't matter when making games because I SAY IT DOESN'T"

"Justifying a shortcoming of Microsoft is not damage control"

"Acting like a paid shill is ok....even though I'm not even getting paid for the BS I spew"

"I dare you to get me out of my delusion....go ahead try it"

"Nothing can stop my delusion"

"I create my own facts"

"Xbox one is not the greatest thing since sliced bread....its better I mean seriously guys...lets be honest..misterx did a comparison. Sliced bread can't even output pixels!!...it blows"

"The future called and it told me Xbox one is better than gaystation"

"I'm claiming to be an insider over the internet and every revelation I give surprisingly is only positive towards XBOX...making my argument valid and you wrong"

"My BS insider claims from earlier? they were wrong? Ignore that."

"Neogaf? they're only right.... part of the time..."

"It was confirmed from the head of the company? Nope...its still a rumor"

"XBOX is a super computer"

"XBOX IS THE ONE DAY ONE"

"Its cheaper? But paying more makes it better!"

"PS4 has no games because I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF THEM"

"Microsoft can admit to a mistake but I wont...they were right all along"

"Xbox live is better because I pay for it...making it better"

"Because HALO"

"Man too Human was awesome, it didn't ultimately suck like everyone suggested"

"Crackdown was a good game"

"Alan wake didn't fall short of expectations...did it?

"Only Halo and Gears sell well on Xbox.... the rest don't sell shit...crap how can I spin this??"

"Microsoft has more exclusives than Sony because that's just how it is....and I ignore actual games"

"You want proof? F**k that I don't got proof! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"

Believe it or not...some of these are from real users on N4G. I hope you guys had fun reading this and to all the Playstation fans who thought this was just sooooo funny...watch out YOUR NEXT and trust me when I say you guys won't get off so easy... Thank you for reading and playing along guys! To all you fanboys, "insiders", and apparent psudo-technology know it all's (that's pretty much the same person) remember to....... IGNORE THE FACTS.